and wail and beat my fists against his chest in anguish. I wanted comfort. I wanted to do something to release this feeling inside me. It was so awful. It was so unbearable.

I rolled down the window and picked up the glass of Coke and threw it with all my might. It hit the driveway and broke into a thousand pieces. The car hop immediately bore down on me, swinging her arms at her sides. "That'll cost you thirty cents," she said. "That'll cost you thirty cents." "All right," I said.

Mike was sitting there, looking at me.

"What the hell you mean throwin' glasses out the window," the car hop yelled, towering over me. "I outta make you clean it up."

"All right," I answered. "Goddamn it, I said all right!"

"Don't you swear at me, young man!"

Mike hurriedly paid. The car hop yanked the tray off the door so hard that the other glass upset and crashed to the pavement. Mike backed out. As we swung onto the street I leaned out the window and, as loud as I could, screamed, "FUCK YOU!" to the car hop.

I felt better.

Mike said nothing. We drove to my apartment. Mike parked at the curb in front and left the motor running. We looked at each other. "Thanks for the ride home," I said.

"S'okay."

"Will I see you again?"

"Yes. I want to be your friend. Now that I understand so many things

I want to show you that I understand."

"So you want to be buddies, huh?" I said. "You want to be pals." "Yes."

"Goddamn you."

"What?"

"I'm still in love with you. Can't you understand that? After five years I still love you as much as I ever did."

"I know. I understand how you feel."

"You don't either."

"I'm in love with someone myself."

"I don't want to hear about it."

"Please," Mike said. "Can't we just be good friends?"

"I don't know," I said, opening the door. "I don't know if I could stand it."

"Will you call me?"

"Maybe."

I got out and slammed the door. Mike gunned the motor and the car sped down the street. The goddamn rain was falling on my bare head. I stood and watched the receding tail lights.

"Go to hell!" I shouted after him.

Someone's dog started barking.

"Goddamn it," I said, standing there in the rain. In my coat pocket was the piece of paper with Mike's telephone number on it. I held it in my hand as tight as I could.

"Goddamn it," I said. "Oh shit."

And the stupid rain was falling all over my head.